Entah lah.


Assaamualaikum.
geesh, i keep on sleeping today.
esok kelas lagi.
boleh tak taknak pergi kelas?
boleh tak nak ponteng kelas empat hari ni?
boleh tak taknak pergi kuiz khamis ni?
erghh malas lah.
dah kenapa lah buat kuiz hari orang nak balik, sape lah yang nak fokus.
T_T *nangis



today..i just feel so..
dumb.
sad.
more or less crash.
macam rasa nak hentak hentak kepala kat dinding then walk away like nothing happen.
feel terribly sad inside, but still have to maintain outstanding happiness at the outside.
it was just so,,sakit.
kadang kadang rasa nak jerit and nangis and lepas je.
ERGH.






i miss everything.
home.
lauk ibu.
shopping dengan ayah.
AWAK.



yes saya rindu awak.
saya nampak macam ego tapi saya rindu awak.
rindu banyak banyak tak tau nak cakap macam mana.
tak tau nak bagitau macam mana.
plus bagitau pun macam takde function.
you're too BUSY with your stuff.
tak percaya?
nak saya try?
alahai.
takpelah.
you'll ignore me anyway.
known you for years.
tadi pun dah try.






entah lah.
kadang-kadang i think imma bit ike, you know..over thinking..
over reacting.
tapi yelah.
entah,,
nak cakap banyak pun dah malas sebabnya..
benda ni dah cakap banyak kali.
tak adil..
sebab it's always been me who seems to be eager.
and dengan masalah manusia lain yang menyempitkan dada pun, ya Allah.







and yeah.
i'm so sick of crying.
macam if people don't want me to be there then i just shouldn't be there.
i should go away and be happy.
and there you have it.
practically i'm quite standing up for myself now.
hati dah keras dan kental.
i'm being kind to kind people.
being harsh to harsh people.
sebab kalau kau nak orang layan kau baik kau layan lah orang baik jugak.
aku dah penat jadi bodoh.







so sorry sebab post something yang tak bermakna dan emosional di bulan yang mulia ni.
kadang-kadang tak tau dah nak buat apa.
rasa nak let go semua and hidup sorang sorang.
sebab mengharapkan manusia,,
even sesiapa pun,,adalah benda yang paling tak berguna.
REALLY.
manusia ni lupa sifat dia.
lambat sedar.
masa ada dia buat tak tahu macam dia hebat.
tak reti apa itu PENGHARGAAN.
bila dah hampir nak hilang dari genggaman gelabah mencari.
satu lagi sifat manusia ialah pentingkan diri.
asal lepas dia dah lah.
so no use.
entah lah.
i don't know.



*yes dear cousin, if you're reading this..
kakak would love to spend hari raya abroad with your and your mama.
kalau tak raya ni pun i'll try my best to get there during my 4 months break.
this whole pathetic people these days makes me sick.
wait up!



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